Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Bekar Engineer : Exam Elimination The Finale



                                                     Hey guys this is a story continuation it is request you read the starting of story here
Bekar Engineer :  (Viva Preparation) Exam Elimination Part 1 

                                                    If you have already read it already you can continue the masti below....
                        
Big day we call it Armaggadeon. 

                             I was browsing my cupboard for a formal dress. After throwing like thousand t-shrits and hundred pants I found a plain black jeans and shirt. Now the important question is 
where the F is the tie? ?? Oh dads marriage was put to a good use here. I took dads marriage-dress tie and was ready for the war.



Mom looks at me for her 3 step bye bye



Step 1 : The big Ekta Kapoor sindhur on my fore-head
Step 2 The dahi mixed with million other religious substances
Step 3 The nazar utaro round (my mom's favorite.)



Here thali goes 360 degrees round and round with my face as circumference 3 times. Now she slaps hard real hard on my right cheek. In Gujrathi family it is symbolized as act of love
And she finally says "Beta ab tu kya aayega, Teri Khabar hi aayegi..."



Mom act of Love
                                                    Finally  I reached my college. And there I see group of friends discussing something seriously at the canteen, munching the tasty wada-pav. I went and pushed  the group trying to make some place for me 


Gaurav :  "shh.... dhaval. chup karke dekh re ek toh banda bata raha hain tum masti karte ho..... "




Sanket Katkar: " Ab dusre waale khadde mein baaki ka tie daalke dhire dhire pehle waala chota tie khichne kaa... aahista aahista.. aur tumhare tie mein perfect samosa  ban gaya  "




  Everyone Clapped. BullShit


 The F bastards were discussing how to make a proper tie when they should be discussing process models. But mumbai engineers always gave priority to bullshit.


Now finally the bell rings and viva starts..


SHAKILA the don comes out


Shakila : "Roll no. 13,14 and 15 Come in fast with journals."






Meenal akankasha and SUHAS were the called out geniuses


Akki started panicking 


Akki :  " SUHAS mera  journal le Gaya re.... main toh pakka fail hu where is he ??? " she started crying " shit man  puri raat padha tha, saala yeh gadhe ke bache ki wajah se fail ho jaane ka............. "




I personally hated viva's for this shit. Poor  girl was shit-scared and really crying for life. 









and then SUHAS came running from mens loo.

SUHAS : " Yeh le tera file "











Akki :(hitting him hard) Kidhar tha kamine ??? (wiping tears and snatching the journal ) aur meri file ko kidhar leke kya karne gaya tha ??

SUHAS : " muje Laga last number se Chalu hoga. is liye.. "









Meenal : "Tu sochta kyun hain ? Tuje pata hain na tuje suite nahi karta ?"





First batch enters the lab absolute silence everywhere.








Shakila : "So sab tayyar ? Kitna padha hain ?"

















Meenal : " Thoda Thoda sab kuch padha hain  mam." (Smart answer it meant she knew almost nothing.)


Month of may, Sun on the head and the viva room was as hot as hell and make it worse fans  were not working in labs. As it is SUHAS was already sweating...

SUHAS : " kitna garmi hain idhar ..... "












Shakila : "Kya bola ???"

















SUHAS : " kuch nai mam nothing ... "








Shakila : [ She gave him look like he was gonna kill him.] Garmi hain na...... ek Kaam kar  Thandi me aa... Come next november. Go Get Lost.











SUHAS : " Sorry mam sorry... "



Shakila : SUHAS na... next semester ke pehle mu nahi dikhane ka jao aaram se thandi mein aao jao  [ she threw his journal on his face. ]


SUHAS comes out and does the "I m screwed " hand-sign and disappears again in loo.

Batch 1 comes out both girls almost crying... now it was our turn. Me Vaibhav and Mayuri.


Mayuri was my best friend. Girls as  you know are organized  as always. She had her and my journal ready we had a deal she would help me with diagrams and I would take care of viva and project presentation.







Shakila : " So hero kya padha hain ???"








Dhaval Pancholi : Mam pucho mam... [ this is the safest thing to say in 
viva in this way you dont say how much u have learnt or not learnt. ]





Shakila : " so tell me an example of AI Vaibhav ?"




Vaibhav looks at Mayuri looks down and does our TP (time pass ) action no. 48


                                     and looks at lap he is a gonner now. So now Shakila looks at Mayuri.

Mayuri knew only two words artificial intelligence and here is what she replies ...

Mayuri Pimple :  [ English mode ]  Intelligence not in any human form is AI [ Marathi mode ]  toh vyakti cha swatah cha dimag nahi wapart nasto konta tari robot cha example ghew ya aapan. (bullshit in two languages best technique to pass in viva.)

Mayuri Pimple now gave away her innocent looks. I donno how but it always worked.

Shakila turns over to me now asks me something out of context , out of chapter, out of syllabus , out of computing history.





Shakila :Ok dhaval I have 2 mountains with a valley between them now I have truck at height of. 1 mountain how do I get to another mountain ?



Ok now my turn. BULL SHIT QUESTION ........... WTF is this ??? i m a genious not a F rocket scientist ?? but all three of us knew i was so gonna bluff this one.....


Dhaval Pancholi :  OK mam.  We will consider 2 mountains as two points and now we will calculate the shortest path between two  Points and now considering our object's width which is truck in this place we take the best path. We can use both DFS (Depth first Search) algorithm and BFS(breadth first search) algorithm to find the shortest path. I would personally go with BFS since our object would have big width.


Complete Bluff Had released an arrow in the Dark and Bam. i hit the target  WE SCORED.





Shakila :  OK cool submit your files and call next batch.



                                                        I was saved. Results were out everybody passed.  i scored 22/25 and Mayuri Pimple  24/25 Did i forget to mention "our college was racist." Yes marathi students did get best marks in viva and had their work done quickly. So goes my another Best Post on Bekar Engineer. I hope you guys would love to comment as i have enjoyed writing it.


Keep Laughing,
Keep Smiling,
Always Yours,

READ MORE BEKAR ENGINEER STORIES HERE



Bekar Engineer : (Viva Preparation) Exam Elimination Part 1


Bekar Engineer : Ek student College ki talash mein


Bekar Engineer : Jandu ki Kahani Hero ki Zubani Part 1






Thursday, August 23, 2012

Dil karta hain.


kitni atishein karnein ko dil karta hain,
dil bawra hain unki har hasi pe,alishan mehfil karta hain,
Anjam-e-ishq ki fikar se deewanein laapta hain is duniya mein,
apni har saans, har katra unke naam karne ko dil karta hain.