Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Bekar Engineer : Jandu ki Kahani Hero ki Zubani Part 1

Well Hello good for nothing, useless souls existing in the planet. If you are still reading gotta say you have a complete maniac mind and considering the fact that you have lost your sanity (if it ever existed.) you are welcome /eligible to read my story.

After completing my diploma in Computer Eng.( Or whatever official shitty name they have given to it. ) I was totally determined what to do with my future, Goals were Set, ambitions were sky-high, and ready to roll. Ahmad BHAI ( Naya-Nagar Gali Mira Road) was my future guide, my Picasso in world of painting ( well judging by the extra tambakoo he had in his PAAN, the world of spray-painting.). After seeing my result at CHAURASIA PAN BHANDAR, he looked at Raja (our local dog.) kicked his ass twice. It was the second time that RAJA realized it was not ASS where he was getting the beating. RAJA RAN LIKE HELL!!!

AHMAD BHAI (gives me a serious look) :: Hazzar paise ki zaban hain Banta. Dukan daal de. Laming-ton road pe apni pehchaan hain. Computer (Spits on the road) Computer repairing, assembling, Best Price mein.

Bekar Eng. :: Bhai daal toh deve par saala yeh repairing ka thoda locha hain. Computer repairing pura nahin aata.

AHMAD BHAI :: Teri Maa ka Sakinaka .. saala idhar public ko (Spits again) Computer ka spelling nahin aata. 25 -25 Dibba hafte ka bech dete hain re. Aur apun hain na sab sambhal denge re.

Bekar Eng :: (getting little impressed.) Toh bhai yeh dukan daalne ka pura total kharche ka kya system hain.

AHMAD BHAI :: Apni baat sun (Spitting continues..) . Ghar pe jaa baap ke pair pakad fir gale lag. Result dikha aur bol "Bapu apun top maara hain:" tu gujju hain na ?? Bol "Pappa badhu top top che."

Bekar Eng :: (correcting gujrati) "Pappa hu top aavyo" are yaar woh bol dega par top kisne maara hain ??

AHMAD BHAI :: Saala bhagat baap ko pehli baar topi pehna raha hain kya ?? ab sun baap ko side mein leke jaa apna plan bol. Bol "Dekh baapu 3 lakh invest kar SHANTI NAGAR mein ek dukaan daalne ka hain."

Bekar Eng. :: 3 laakh mein sab ho jayega ??

AHMAD BHAI :: Tu saala Bich mein bolta hain isliye aisa hain. 2 lakh ka bank se loan lenge. 5 peti main daalta hu. mast dukan mein classes khol, net gaming chala, pc repairing a-z computer shop.

Bekar Eng :: Thik hain dekhta hu baapu se baat karke.

AHMAD BHAI :: Sun banta Paan pasand lega ??

Bekar Eng :: nahin bhai.

AHMAD BHAI :: Le re aur sun jaate jaate jalebi leke jaana Chal banta Allah Hafis.(Picasso Leaves.)

Bekar Eng :: And that was my first career plan at age of 19 yrs. People think good job, higher studies and ME??? Judging by my ability to screw things up i choose business. The hardest fucking thing in a gujrati family is to tell your dad to sponsor u some money. My dad would trust everything in the world but me. And do i still have to explain you why the hell was his nature like that ?? So i went home or on a mission.

MISSION ONE Baap ke cash pe dukan (Bapu eating with mummy )

Bekar Eng :: Pappa hu pass thai gayo (Dad i passed in exams.)

Pappa :: "Bhavna Ben.... garba ramo tamara kuwar pass thai gaya" (Bhavna play garba your son has just passed in his exams. ) "Navai no eklo gayo toh muo exam aapva " (And he was the only fucking guy in entire india to give the exams ) .

I still don't understand after 35 years of marriage why the hell my dad would address my mom as Ben (sister). This was my dad who had taken Indian Pledge seriously.(All Indians are my brothers and sisters) as far as i was concerned. (All Indians are my brothers and YOUR sisters)


Bekar Eng :: I understood this was my dads
FUCK-WITH-ME-OR-MY-MONEY-AND-I-WILL-KILL-YOU mood so i quickly ate food and slept.

MISSION 1 TRY 1 Failed.

MISSION 1 Baap ke cash pe dukan (Bapu reading newspaper.) TRy -2

Pappa :: So wht's the plan now ?? (flipping the pages of Gujrat smachar)

Bekar Eng :: Dad i was thinking of starting a business

Pappa :: You were thinking of wht ?
Bekar Eng :: business.

Pappa :: What have u been smoking lately ??

Bekar Eng. :: Dad i wanna put a computer shop which also would be a cyber cafe, gaming zone, computer class, computer repairing,assembling. I know people who deal with computer stuff. ( Trying to give a sincere expression )Please Dad.

Pappa :: Are you gonna open a shopping mall ?? ( laughs ) and who the hell in the world is gonna sponsor your million dollar idea ??

Bekar Eng :: Dad i m not being funny. Common u gotta help me out.

Pappa :: (Puts gujrat samachar on table.) How much did savio get ?? What is he doing ?

Bekar Eng ::
Dad he is a pathetic,lunatic book-worm anybody could get 98% by romancing Yashwant Kanetkar(author of "Let us C") 24 hrs a day ? and yet he managed to score 86%.
He was bragging to take admission for BE comp. in SPCE. Forget the idiot dad i have even seen the place for my shop it right in middle of town and people are crowded always.

Pappa :: I don't mind you romancing with Vinay pathak (actor indian cinema) if you top the university.



Bekar Eng :: Common dad i m young i start early i can make it.

Pappa :: (Ignoring me ) Did u get the BE forms ??

Bekar Eng :: Dad i don't wanna study why the hell would i earn in thousands when i can easily make lakhs.

Pappa :: (Slaps hard.) So what were we making now ??

Bekar Eng:: (sliently looks down) arrangements.

Pappa:: for what ??

Bekar Eng :: Engg. forms would ask pradeep to get one for me.

It was always like that with dad. One slap and his work would be done. I on the other hand was an understanding kid. Its better to get agreed by a slap than to get thrashed like hell in front of entire society . My experience with dad 19 yrs. I choose the first option.

That was end of my first career choice for me. I knew from my second kidney my dad would 'nt support me. I never was a engineering college material. But hey its better to have fun in college than to get kicked out of your own house.

So began second chapter of my life

Bekar Eng : Ek student College ki talash mein..

If you have smiled even a bit, and enjoyed story of our Bekar Engineer Comment as much as you want. Seeing your response i would definitely release second part ASAP.


Keep Laughing,
Keep Smiling,
Always Yours,
Dhavalyours